Distracting Ianto
by Ianto'sCoffeeMinion
Summary: IM's. Ianto is working when he John Hart decides to start messaging him. They talk about Jack and obviously John flirts like crazy! Ianto/John Ianto/Jack 3 Enjoy!


**IMS**

is online.

**CaptainGorgeous **is online.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Well hello Eyecandy!

** : **Oh shit.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Guess again!

** : **I know it's you Hart. No one else calls me something as stupid as Eye-Candy (Just for your information there is a dash connection both words)

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ahwww come on! You love it really!

** : **No. I don't.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Don't you think the name suits you though? The whole 'ook but don't touch' malarkey ;D

** : **No, not really. I hate that name and would appreciate it if you refrained from calling me it.

**CaptainGorgeous: **But Eye-Candy (See I added the dash!) It suits you!

** : **It does not 'Suit me' in the slightest.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Lighten up! Has Jack left his stick in your arse or something?

** : **I'm not even going to answer that question.

**CaptainGorgeous: **I take it you didn't like the innuendo then?

** : **I get enough of that from Jack.

**CaptainGorgeous: **All true, he can't bare not bragging ;)

** : **Oh I know that!

**CaptainGorgeous: **See were on the same side!

** : **I will never side with you. You are an egotistical, self-centred, vain, abomination.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Yet you still find me strangely attractive…

** : **I certainly do not!

**CaptainGorgeous: **Oh come on Sweet-Cheeks (see I do listen when you speak with that gorgeous mouth of yours) you can tell me, I won't tell Jack ;)

** : **I'm glad one of you listens when I speak. I don't talk for the sake of it you know! And Jack is probably monitoring this conversation right now, so id be careful with what I say If I were you…he doesn't take well to harassment.

**CaptainGorgeous: **I bet you do though ;)

** : **Your over-excessive use of the Winkey face is quite annoying.

**CaptainGorgeous: **What can I say, its hard to restrain myself around you ;)

** : **We are talking via Instant Messenger, your hardly 'around me' as you put it.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ooooh I do love it when you speak all posh and intelligent! Your waaaaay outta Jack's league! Let me tell ya!

** : **Oh I know that ;)

**CaptainGorgeous: **See! Now who's flirting! Not that you should stop… ;)

** : **I am not flirting. Just agreeing with a declarative.

**CaptainGorgeous: **What's a 'declarative'?

** : **Oh god…it's a statement!

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ok, ok, no need to get your pants in a twist…if your wearing any that is ;)

** : **God help me!

**CaptainGorgeous: **I think youll find that's me, and ill be obliged to lend a hand, or a fist…or a coupla fingers, whatever you want gorgeous ;)

** : **No thank you.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Your loss.

** : **Not really because they were never in me in the first place.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Aha! See! You can be dirty Eye-Candy! And I LOVE IT!

** : **Thank you. Now if you would be so kind as to stop distracting me. I have very important work to be doing.

**CaptainGorgeous: **I'm distracting you am I? Mmm

** : **Poor word choice on my part. I apologise. What I meant is, your constant messaging every five seconds until I reply is rather annoying.

**CaptainGorgeous: **But I wanna speak to you! It isn't my fault you aren't replying!

** : **What would Jack say if he found that you had been preventing me from doing my work?

**CaptainGorgeous: **Threesome?

** : **I highly doubt that.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ohhh come on! I saw your eyes when I mentioned an Orgy!

** : **It was an eye-roll! I wasn't considering it!

**CaptainGorgeous: **Oh no it wasn't! I was watching you the whole time! (It's very hard not to) and I saw that you were thinking about it! I know what an eye-roll looks like, and that was not one!

** : **It was an eye-roll. And that's final.

**CaptainGorgeous:** I like a man that take charge ;)

** : **Is there anything that comes out of your mouth that isn't an innuendo? Actually don't answer that.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Why don't you come over and see for yourself? I'll make it worth your while ;)

** : **'Come over' where? Last I heard you were in some galaxy far, far away…

**CaptainGorgeous: **Oh, so you did check up on me then? Shows your interested. Good. 'Cos boy, am I interested in you!

** : **I was just making sure that you were nowhere near me. Or Jack.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ohhh you're getting protective! I like it! Shame it wont be for long…

** : **What are you on about?

**CaptainGorgeous: **You know Jack. He never stays with anyone for long. He gets…bored, easily. Not that I'm saying I'd get bored of you because believe me, that is imposible!

** : **Well he's still here, and it's been two years, so I'm guessing he's staying.

**CaptainGorgeous: **That's what you think. I thought the same, and then one day he just up and left, no note, goodbye, nothing .

** : **I didn't know, I'm sorry.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Don't sweat it Eye-Candy, he was a bad influence anyway…what I'm trying to say is, he won't stay with you, just don't trust him. I wouldn't want you to get hurt.

** : **Well thank you for your concern, but he had assured me he is not going anywhere again without telling me first.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Oh so he has done it before then?

** : **Yes, but that's irrelevant. He had to go, he had no choice in the matter. It was a one-time opportunity.

**CaptainGorgeous: **You always have a choice, always.

** : **He didn't.

**CaptainGorgeous: **I know it's hard to face up to the truth, but he did, he could have left you a note, it wouldn't have taken all of one minute.

** : **I don't want to talk about it anymore.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ahw I'm sorry, have I hit a nerve?

** : **You have no right to speak to me like that.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Yes I do. Its better you know now that later when your crying into that amazing coffee of yours. Speaking of…is there any chance I could get my hands on some?

** : **Selective word choice, I'm sure. And no, you haven't been very nice to me, so therefore you do not get any.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Pleassssseeeeee? I'll make it worth your while?

** : **You keep mentioning that, but what do you have in mind?

**CaptainGorgeous: **So you're interested then? Nice!

** : **Did I say that? No. I merely asked what it would entail. But I've lost interest now.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ohhh come on Sweet heart! Don't be like that!

** : **Could you please stop using terms of endearment to address me. It's very off putting.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ahhh so you were thinking about me then?

** : **Suprisingly enough, the world does not revolve around you, and not everyone thinks about you in that way. I've told Jack that very same thing.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Do I detect trouble in paradise?

** : **There is no 'trouble' and we most defiantly do not live in 'paradise'

**CaptainGorgeous: **Are you going to dissect every sentence I write or….?

** : **Just the ones that are impotent.

**CaptainGorgeous: **And there was me thinking we had passed the name calling…

** : **1. I did not direct that comment at you, and 2. You keep calling me 'Eye-candy' 'Sweet-cheeks' 'Sweetheart' 'Gorgeous' ect. Are these, or are they not a prime example of name calling?

**CaptainGorgeous: **God I love it when you go all high and mighty on me, it's a turn on. And it's not name calling! Its pet-names! It's used in a nice way!

** : **I am not yours, or anybody else's 'pet'.

**CaptainGorgeous: **You mean you and Jack have never tried that? Role-Playing can be intresting…just a hint ;)

** : **Thanks but I'm not interested.

**CaptainGorgeous: **You sure? 'Cos my door is always open ;)

** : **Thank you, but I will politely decline your offer.

**CaptainGorgeous: **That's only 'cos you know Jack's listening in. Well let me tell you something, my wrist strap is very handy in situations where I want privacy…and this is one of them ;)

** : **Oh, so you've blocked Jack from seeing this?

**CaptainGorgeous: **Something like that, but believe me he will never know this conversation took place. Do you know how pissed he would be if he found out? Even I wouldn't want to be around for Angry-sex after that….and that's saying something!

** : **Right, ok.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Soooo Eye-Candy, anything you wanna say now that Jackie-boy can't see it?

** : **Yes. Fuck off.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Don't be like that…

** : **I'll act as I please. You fail to notice that I am with Jack now, and your constant ploys to win him back are feeble to say the least. So all that's left to say is Fuck off.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Who says I came back for Jack?

** : **You did.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Yeah, at first, but then I saw you, and let me tell you all interest in Jack is out the window. ;)

** : **Somehow I'm finding that hard to believe.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Well you better believe it gorgeous ;)

** : **Your only saying that to win me over. Once you've had me you'll use it to get Jack back. I'm not taking part in your preposterous scheme.

**CaptainGorgeous: **It's not like that, Eye-Candy, I swear. I've realised how much of a tool Jack can be. I've never forgiven him for what he's done. I can see you are in a similar situation, and I just wanna help. (And if getting you into bed is part of that then I'm definitely not complaining, in fact, I encourage it)

** : **I don't know whether to believe you.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Jack was the con-man. Not me.

** : **Wait…what?

**CaptainGorgeous: **Oh, so Jack didn't tell you…oh dear. Just out of intrest what DO you know about him?

** : **That he's a captain.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Lies. Next…

** : **His name is Jack Harkness.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Wrong. Next…

** : **That he loves me.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Did he actually say that?

** : **Not in so many words…

**CaptainGorgeous: **There we go then. Next…

** : **I don't want to play this game anymore.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Why? Because you don't know the first thing about him? Does it shock you that you've known him all this time and what little you know about him is a lie?

** : **Well…I…

**CaptainGorgeous: **I'm not doing this to hurt you Ianto, really. I just want to warn you so that you don't make the same mistakes I did. He's bad news.

** : **But I love him.

**CaptainGorgeous: **And he doesn't love you. He just wants you for the sex (which I assume is mind blowing) and that's it. Jack Harkness doesn't do 'love' or relationships, I know that from experience.

** : **Maybe then, but he's changed.

**CaptainGorgeous: **No one ever changes, they pretend to, but really they're still the same person that hurt you.

** : **Look if you're telling me this just to break me and Jack up then you can think again. I'm not leaving him so you can get your time-travelling mitts on him. D'ya hear?

**CaptainGorgeous: **I told you. I don't want him back. I'm just looking out for you.

** : **Why?

**CaptainGorgeous: **Because were more similar than you think.

** : **How?

**CaptainGorgeous: **Think about it.

** : **Oh.

**CaptainGorgeous: **You see, all I want to do is help you, 'cos believe it or not Jack's not the only one with a crush on the Tea-boy…Why do they call you that? You make coffee don't you?.

** : **You're the only one that's noticed :)

**CaptainGorgeous: **See, not all bad :)

** : **I guess.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Now, joking aside. If you ever need me, just call me, for anything, I don't care. I'll be there for you.

** : **Thanks, I guess…

**CaptainGorgeous: **My number is engraved on my sword that &Regualtions converscated ;)

** : **Huh! Shouldda guessed, your hardly discreet.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Would you love me if I wasn't?

** : **No one said anything about love, captain.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Aha! You're learning already :)

** : **If you say so.

**CaptainGorgeous: **So what do you say, me and you go for a drink sometime?

** : **Will this drink be spiked?

**CaptainGorgeous: **I'm shocked! As if I would!

** : **?

**CaptainGorgeous: **OK, ok, you got me. Can't blame a man for trying…. How do you know so much?

** : **Didn't I tell you. I know everything ;)

**CaptainGorgeous: **If only I could see you winking…

** : **Don't get too hot and bothered. Your keys might stick together, then how are you going to talk to me?

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ianto Jones. You naughty boy! I think that deserves a spanking!

** : **Maybe another time ;)

**CaptainGorgeous: **Mmm, I can't wait for that! Have I told you that you have a great arse…and I mean, delicious!

** : **No, but thank you for the compliment :)

**CaptainGorgeous: **Aren't you gunna compliment me back?

** : **You're pushing it now.

**CaptainGorgeous: **If only…

** : **Do you ever stop?

**CaptainGorgeous: **Nope.

** : **Thought as much.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Soooooo, what you doing?

** : **Why do you wanna know?

**CaptainGorgeous: **Just curious…

** : **This is sounding too much like sexting for my liking

**CaptainGorgeous: **What are you wearing?

** : **Exactly.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Have you ever tried it?

** : **What?

**CaptainGorgeous: **Sexting?

** : **No. Its below me.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Huh! If only…so you top then?

** : **That's a very personal question, Captain.

**CaptainGorgeous: **I love it when you call me captain ;)

** : **You would.

**CaptainGorgeous: **What's that supposed to mean?

** :** I'm sorry, what's that? I can't read it because all I can see is your ego.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Oh that was a good one! You should make a joke book! Eye-Candy Joke Book. For those who have sexy arses.

** : **Guess you won't be reading it then.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Oi! That was un-called for….actually…so you've looked then?

** : **Of course. Purely in a professional manner.

**CaptainGorgeous: **How is checking someone out 'professional'?

** : **I've gotta see what I'm up against.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Oh you're good ;)

** : **I know ;)

**CaptainGorgeous: **Now who's being egotistical and using innuendo?

** : **What can I say you're a bad influence…

**CaptainGorgeous: **That I am!

** : **Well, it's been nice talking to you Captain, but I must get on with my work.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Oh, yes, of course. Woulnt wanna get you in trouble. Unless it was me that was doing the punishing…although, you could punish me if you want?

** : **Goodbye John.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee SEXY!

** : **Joy.

**CaptainGorgeous: **No, you haven't experienced joy until you've gone to bed with me ;)

** : **Right, I'm gunna go before this gets way out of hand.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Okayyyy, if you insist ;)

** : Ok, bye. **

**CaptainGorgeous: **No you hang up, no you hand up, ok ill hang up, no don't go!

** : **Give me strength.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Oh ill give you much more ;)

** : **Bye tease.

is offline.

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ohhhhhh FINALLY! Some flirting!

**CaptainGorgeous: **Eye-Candy?

**CaptainGorgeous: **And I didn't even have time to get in my joke about the quiet ones being good in bed….

**CaptainGorgeous: **Ianto?

**CaptainGorgeous: **I'll be in my sex-den if you want me…what am I saying, everyone wants me!


End file.
